Tila Tequila in an interview described her spiral into a world of mind-bending drugs which turned her into a Nazi and got her booted off Celebrity Big Brother.
The shamed starlet, 33, – who has pleaded with Channel 5 to take her back – said she made the 2013 pro-Hitler propaganda which led to her sacking on Friday after suffering drug-fuelled mental problems.
She said: “I was doing a lot of drugs at the time and suffering from severe depression. I wasn’t well in the head.”
She insists the trigger for her meltdown and extremist bile was the tragic death of her bisexual socialite lover Casey Johnson, 30, which plunged her deeper into a pit of drug addiction.
But she insisted: “I am healed now and I want to redeem my past… I wanted to win Celebrity Big Brother.”
Officially Casey’s death in 2010 was caused by a diabetes related illness, but Tila insists drugs played their part and blames herself for not being at home to save her when she died.
At the time Tila had fled Hollywood to escape the drug scene and be with her family in Texas.
She begged Casey – an heiress to the Johnson & Johnson pharmaceutical giant – to join her but days later learned she had died.
Tila said: “She gave up without me. I was her life support, but she needed to get it together. She was so wasted I couldn’t speak to her. I told her to cut it out.
“Sometimes I didn’t know what she was taking. She became like Anna Nicole Smith slurring all the time. She gave up on her last piece of hope.
“It took me a long time to forgive myself.”
Instead of staying clean herself after Casey’s death, Tila says she “used drugs to numb out the pain” – but ended up losing her mind. Her drug of choice was the opiate Vicodin.
She said: “When I got involved with drugs it flushed away my true self. Things went bad. It was a bad time. I was hurting inside.
“It was hard to deal with something so real and painful. A human being can’t deal with so much intense pain and the drugs helped to numb out some of that. I just self-medicated.”
In 2012 she suffered a brain aneurysm – when a brain artery bulges out – after overdosing.
The following year an image appeared on the internet of the American model Photoshopped in Nazi gear with Auschwitz in the background. In other postings she praised Adolf Hitler as a “special and sweet kid” who was “ahead of his time.”
The information was already publicly known before Celebrity Big Brother, but Jewish lobby groups were up in arms this week when it was brought to their attention and Channel 5 were suddenly under pressure to boot her out.
On Friday night the broadcaster said her “continued involvement in the programme was untenable” – though some viewers took to Twitter to ask “Why now?”
On Saturday afternoon, just hours after being asked to leave the show, the mum-of-one Tila attempted to rally public support for a comeback, issuing an emotional public apology saying she was “in no way, shape or form a racist or anti-semetic, and absolutely 100 per cent not a Nazi supporter.”
She said her past haunted her, spoke of a suicide attempt in 2012, and ended her statement saying: “I hope that Celebrity Big Brother will give me a second chance.”
Last night Channel 5 bosses were remaining firm about her sacking, though public opinion on Twitter seemed divided.
One viewer tweeted: “Are Big Brother bosses really claiming they were not aware Tila Tequila was anti-semetic. Do your research!!”
Another said: “I think she deserves a second chance @bbuk She’s apologised and was always going to bring entertainment.”
But ex-boyfriend Thomas Whitaker, 44 – dad of her eight-month-old daughter Isabella – lashed out, tweeting: “You got what you deserved. Remember what I told you about negative energy? It’s only the beginning of your karma. Payback.”
On Thursday night she was one of three porn stars who entered the house alongside Jenna Jameson, 41, and Farah Abraham, 24.
But unlike Jenna, Tila says she is not proud of her sex tape past, and blames that on drugs too.
The tainted model told The Sun: “Things got worse and worse. The sex tape happened a year after Casey died. Drugs are bad, very bad and clouded my judgements on everything.
“I was so low. I didn’t care. Even as I did it I realised it was going against my own morals. It was self destruct. Sabotage. I felt worthless. That kind of stuff is definitely who I am.
“Now I just want to put all that messy stuff behind me.”
