7 Common Habits of Unhappy People
Habits How-to-be-Happy lifestyle
Let's explore the characteristics, attitudes and lifestyles of unhappy people. It's a common mistake that people make, to try to find happiness from outside of yourself. Those who earn millions of dollars per year are only a tiny bit happier than the ordinary folks who work for them.
Marcus Aurelius
“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
Marcel Proust
Marcel Proust
Circumstances can certainly make life unhappy. But a part – often a big
part – of unhappiness comes from our own thinking, behavior and habits.
In this article I’d like to share 7 of the most destructive daily
habits that can create quite a bit of unhappiness within and in your own
little world.
But I’ll also share what has worked, what has helped me to minimize or overcome these habits in my life.
Seven Common Habits of Unhappy People
1. Aiming for perfection.
Does life has to be perfect before you are happy?
Do you have to behave in a perfect way and get perfect results to be happy?
Then happiness will not be easy to find. Setting the bar for your
performance at an inhuman level usually leads to low self-esteem and
feeling like you are not good enough even though you may have had a lot
of good or excellent results. You and what you do is never enough good
enough except maybe once in a while when feels like something goes just
perfect. Common Habits of Unhappy People.
How to overcome this habit:
Three things that helped me to kick the perfectionism habit and become more relaxed:
- Go for good enough. Aiming for perfection usually winds up in a project or something else never being finished. So go for good enough instead. Don’t use it as an excuse to slack off. But simply realize that there is something called good enough and when you are there then you are finished with whatever you are doing.
- Have a deadline. I set deadlines every time that start with a new premium guide. Because about a year ago, when I was working on my second e-book, I realized that just working on it and releasing it when it was done would not work. Because I could always find stuff to add to it. So I had to set a deadline. Setting a deadline gave me a kick in the butt and it is generally good way to help you to let go of a need to polish things a bit too much.
- Realize what it costs you when you buy into myths of perfection.This
was a very powerful reason for me to let go of perfectionism and one I
tell myself still if I find thoughts of perfection pop up in my mind. By
watching too many movies, listening to too many songs and just taking
in what the world is telling you it is very easy to be lulled into
dreams of perfection. It sounds so good and wonderful and you want it.
But in real life it clashes with reality and tends to cause much suffering and stress within you and in the people around you. It can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc. just because your expectations are out of this world. I find it very helpful to remind myself of this simple fact.
2. Living in a sea of negative voices.
No one is an island. Who we socialize with, what we read, watch and listen to has big effect on how we feel and think.
It becomes a lot harder to be happier if you let yourself be dragged
down by negative voices. Voices that tell you that life will in large
part always be unhappy, dangerous and filled with fear and limits.
Voices that watch life from a negative perspective.
How to overcome this habit:
Replacing those negative voices with more positive influences is very powerful. It can be like a whole new world opening up.
So spend more time with positive people, inspiring music and books,
movies and TV-shows that make you laugh and think about life in a new
way.
You can start small. For example, try reading an uplifting blog or book
or listen to an audio book while eating your breakfast one morning this
week instead of reading the paper or watching the morning news on TV.
3. Getting stuck in the past and future too much.
Spending much of your time in the past and reliving old painful
memories, conflicts, missed opportunities and so on can hurt whole lot.
Spending much of your time in the future and imagining how things could
go wrong at work, in your relationships and with your health can build
into horrifying nightmare scenarios playing over and over in your head.
Not being here right now in life as it happens can lead to missing out
on a lot of wonderful experiences.
No good if you want to be happier. Common Habits of Unhappy People.
How to overcome this habit:
It is pretty much impossible to not think about the past or the future.
And it is of course important to plan for tomorrow and next year and to
try to learn from your past.
But to dwell on those things rarely help.
So I try as best as I can to spend the rest of my time, the big part of
my time each day, with living in the now. Just being here right now and
being fully focused on these words I am writing and later as I cook and
eat my lunch and work out be fully focused on doing that. Common Habits of Unhappy People.
Whatever I am doing I try to be there fully and not drift off into the future or past.
If I do drift off then I focus only on my breathing for a few minutes or
I sit still and take in what is all around me right now with all my
senses for a short while. By doing either of those things I can realign
myself with the present moment again.
4. Comparing yourself and your life to others and their lives.
One very common and destructive daily habit is to constantly compare
your life and yourself to other people and their lives. You compare
cars, houses, jobs, shoes, money, relationships, social popularity and
so on. And at the end of the day you pummel your self-esteem to the
ground and you create a lot of negative feelings. Common Habits of Unhappy People.
How to overcome this habit:
Replace that destructive habit with two other habits.
- Compare yourself to yourself. First,
instead of comparing yourself to other people create the habit of
comparing yourself to yourself. See how much you have grown, what you
have achieved and what progress you have made towards your goals. This
habit has the benefit of creating gratitude, appreciation and kindness
towards yourself as you observe how far you have come, the obstacles you
have overcome and the good stuff you have done.
You feel good about yourself without having to think less of other people. - Be kind. In
my experience, the way you behave and think towards others seems to
have a big, big effect on how you behave towards yourself and think
about yourself. Judge and criticize people more and you tend to judge
and criticize yourself more (often almost automatically). Be more kind
to other people and help them and you tend to be more kind and helpful
to yourself.
Focus on the positive things in yourself and in the people around you. Appreciate what is positive in yourself and others. This way you become more OK with yourself and the people in your world instead of ranking them and yourself and creating differences in your mind.
And remember, you can’t win if you keep comparing. Just consciously
realizing this can be helpful. No matter what you do you can pretty much
always find someone else in the world that has more than you or are
better than you at something.
5. Focusing on the negative details in life.
Seeing the negative aspects of whichever situation you are in and
dwelling on those details is a sure way to make yourself unhappy. And to
drag down the mood for everyone around you. Common Habits of Unhappy People.
How to overcome this habit:
Overcoming this habit can be tricky. One thing that has worked for me is
to kick the perfectionism habit. You accept that things and situations
will have their upsides and downsides rather than thinking that all
details have to positive and excellent. You accept things as they are.
This way you can let go emotionally and mentally of what is negative
instead of dwelling on it and making mountains out of molehills.
Another thing that works is simply to focus on being constructive.
Instead of focusing on dwelling and whining about the negative detail.
You can do so by asking better questions. Questions like:
How can I turn this negative thing into something helpful or positive?
How can I solve this problem?
How can I solve this problem?
If I am faced with what I start thinking is a problem I may use a third
solution, I may ask myself: who cares? I most often then realize that
this isn’t really a problem in the long run at all.
6. Limiting life because you believe the world revolves around you.
If you think that the world revolves around you and you hold yourself
back because you are afraid what people may think or say if you do
something that different or new then you are putting some big limits on
your life. How?
Well, you can become less open to trying new things and growing.You can
think that the criticism and negativity you encounter is about you or
that it is your fault all the time (while it in reality could be about
the other person having bad week or you thinking that you can read
minds). I have also found that my own shyness used to come from me
thinking that people cared a great deal about what I was about to say or
do.
How to overcome this habit:
- Realize people don’t care too much about what you do. They have their hands full with worrying about their own lives and what people may think of them instead. Yes, this might make you feel less important in your own head. But it also sets you free a bit more if you’d like that.
- Focus outward. Instead of thinking about yourself and how people may perceive you all the time, focus outward on the people around you. Listen to them and help them. This will help you to raise your self-esteem and help you to reduce that self-centered focus.
7. Overcomplicating life.
Life can be pretty complicated. This can creates stress and unhappiness.
But much of this is often created by us. Yes, the world may be becoming
more complex but that doesn’t mean that we cannot create new habits
that make your own lives a bit simpler.
How to overcome this habit:
Overcomplicating life can involve many habits but I’d like to suggest a
few replacement habits to what have been a couple of my own most
overcomplicating habits.
- Splitting your focus and having your attention all over the place in everyday life. I replaced that complicating habit with just doing one thing at a time during my day, having a small to-do list with 2-3 very important items and writing down my most important goal on white board that I see each day.
- Having too much stuff. I replaced that habit with regularly asking myself: have I used this in the past year? If not then I will give that thing away or throw it away.
- Creating relationship problems of any kind in your mind. Reading minds is hard. So, instead ask questions and communicate. This will help you to minimize unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings, negativity and waste or time and energy.
- Getting lost in the in-box. I spend less time and energy on my email in-box by just checking it once a day and writing shorter emails (if possible not more than 5 sentences.)
- Getting lost in stress and overwhelm. When stressed, lost in a problem or the past or future in your mind then, as I mentioned above, breathe with your belly for two minutes and just focus on the air going in and out. This will calm your body down and bring your mind back into the present moment again. Then you can start focusing on doing what is most important for you again.
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Kendall is not just a reality show personality now. She’s the first of the Kardashian girls who has tested herself in the fashion world… and made (we think) the right decision! In 2015 Kendall successfully stormed fashion runways and proved to everyone she’s a serious fashion model that has to be admired. Kendall is moving towards the top of the fashion game really fast and her impact on the fashion world is growing.
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February’s 19 brought Marc Jacobs show where Kendall stood out and took over the runway. The model displayed the latest Fall 2015 collection wearing feminine floral dresses with dark grungy boots, black glittery coat and leather gloves. Kendall wore almost black lipstick that created a Gothic look along with that created a stark contrast to her pale skin.
One of the most memorable shows Kendall Jenner took part in was Milan Fashion Week’s Ports 1961 show. The star flaunted her flawless body, wearing jaw-dropping white sheer top and matching trousers. The white high platform wedges completed the feminine look.
Her street wear vibe is amazing! More and more girls consider Kendall a new street-style inspiration and you will understand why. Her street-style is very diverse but always accurate. The girl knows how to combine bold pieces with more casual clothes and look simple, fashion-hot and appealing all at the same time.
Mixing totally different pieces of wardrobe right is a serious skill. And Kendall does it the best. We love how she combines her fave heels with ripped jeans and simple loose t-shirts and stays looking glamorous! But still, Kendall doesn’t forget about classy outfits, such as stylish blazers, sophisticated dresses and chic pantsuits.
