How to Kiss Perfectly? : A four-step instructional guide

If you want to learn how to kiss a guy well or how to kiss a girl well, follow the step-by-step directions listed here. If you've come to this page, trying to figure out how to get a kiss on New Year's Eve, then let me say it's simple: announce your need. Tell everyone in the room: I expect to be kissed. 

There is no moment when your intentions may be better aligned with the nature of the event than the last second of the last minute of a year. No one will fault you for desire on December 31. Someone comes through, generally. It is a night that gives want its chance.

But if you came here to learn how to kiss, generally, forget it. I'm not giving any kissing instructions. That is just flat-out unwise, and inelegant. I am not saying all kisses are great, nor that all kissers know what they are doing. I'm not saying some people don't need lessons. They do. Just... you know, Christ, figure it out. With time comes mastery, and its many rewards.

But if you have actually settled on this page, thinking I'm going to do a four-step instructional guide to kissing, let me reward your Googling heart with these four guidelines. They are in order, and they are rules. Lets learn how to kiss in four step

1. Be sure you have lips. Use them.

Maybe you think everybody does. But I once kissed a waitress in London, leaning against the door of a car that neither of us owned, and I lived to tell you: that woman had no lips at all. None. Not while she was kissing, anyway. It was all dental work, teeth against teeth. 

And then, of course, the tongue, which in this case was no real thrill at all. That kiss kept getting thinner and harder until I began to feel she was after some sort of bone-crushing, science-fiction jaw lock right there under the street light. I kept pulling back, looking to reset the whole event on her lips, but they never seemed to be there. No lips. Hence, no give-and-take. A kiss demands a little surrender, yes. But there must be some resistance, too. That's what the lips are for.

2. Touch, don't grab.

Use your hands. Delicately. My girlfriend sometimes lays her hand flat on the side of my face when she kisses me. I like that. Or she spreads her fingers on the back of my neck. Very nice. Or locks her hands in mine. This is not distracting, and it isn't foreplay. Not always. It's dimensional. There's a lot going on, because of her hands, her fingertips. Hands open things up.

A kiss demands a little surrender, yes. But there must be some resistance, too. That's what the lips are for.

3. Don't steal kisses. Ask for them.

Just don't do it with words. Sure, there's some measure of permission involved, but it's not a verbal contract, kissing. A lot of people will tell you it's polite to ask. Don't. Just take your shot. The time to be polite comes after. When you get kissed back, or when you get rebuffed, that's when you access your best self, your best response.

I once wrestled a kiss out of a woman while we were goofing around on the floor of her apartment. She had a big shock of red hair, and while I was lifting the couch so she could look for her lighters I suddenly got it in my head that it was three o'clock in the afternoon and why wasn't I kissing her? After we sat back down, without the least little bit of rhythm or grace on my part, I pushed her hair back with one hand, then pulled her head toward me.

And she kissed back, just enough to tell me she'd thought about it too, but it was clear to me the whole thing felt unconvinced. And, to her credit, she twisted that kiss off. She pushed me back, and in the weirdest, most unsexy theatrical gesture I have ever witnessed, she crossed her eyes, stuck her tongue out of the corner of her mouth, like a drunken tramp in an Archie comic, and: "It's three o'clock. It isn't even dark yet."

I still have no idea what that had to do with anything.

But I could see, for her, it seemed to matter that we stop. So I took my medicine and lit her cigarette. With some grace, too. We made no reference to the facial gesture. We tried to talk about dinner.

After that I didn't want to kiss her again.

4. Use your muscles.

I once kissed a woman who told me the thing she liked about kissing men was that she could hang on their shoulders. She liked the implication of strength. That's the only thing I can tell you on that.

It occurs to me that you can't do anything until you can kiss properly. There are foods you won't know how to eat, words you won't know how to say, constellations you will not be able to name. Sexually, you won't know where to turn. Nipples will confound you. Oral sex is out of the question. I'm not even sure you can drive a car if you don't know what it is to kiss. So get it right. Just don't ask me. Luckily for you, the only authority you'll ever need to consult is right there, pressed up against you, lip-to-lip. When you get it right, they will tell you, you will know, and maybe then someone will need to listen to your lessons.

How to Kiss?

You are absolutely right, you don't want to "just push" your mouth to hers. It's probably easiest to begin with a peck on the cheek. Just pucker up, tilt your head a little to the side, gently plant your lips on the person's cheek, and follow through with the puckering motion. This might give you the confidence to try kissing on the lips. It's the same basic movement of your lips, only now the other person's lips are involved in the action, too, which may make it a little easier. A few things to bear in mind when going for the big kiss: do not open your mouth until your lips have reached the kissee's lips, avoid bumping teeth, and make sure there's no food in your mouth (as if...!).

Then there's the "French kiss," which involves your and the other person's tongue. Approach your French kiss gently, with no quick and sudden movements of your tongue. Avoid what some call "the frog" (sticking your tongue all the way out inside the kissee's mouth). Your tongue will most likely be met by the other person's, and both of you can go from there, figuring out what is pleasurable.

If you want to practice before trying a kiss on a person, try it out on your arm or your hand (by making a pair of lips with your thumb and index finger) to see how it feels, or practice with a pillow. Pay close attention to the face-sucking scenes in movies or TV shows (any soap opera will suffice).
You'll never know what it's like until you try it. When the opportunity presents itself, pucker up and go for it! You may be surprised at how easy and fun kissing can be.

Unknown 10:28 PM 17 Comments

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How to Kiss Perfectly? : A four-step instructional guide

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