Virgin Lips: 7 Reasons Why You Should Wait to Kiss Till Wedding Day
Relationship WeddingI understand most physical stuff is wrong, but what about just kissing? Please do no have sex or even do not kiss before you get married. It promotes good communication in dating. When a couple practices abstinence, their communication is good because they are not just focused on pleasure but on the joy of sharing their views and experiences; moreover, their conversations are deeper. By contrast, physical intimacy is an easy way to relate, but it overshadows other forms of communication. It is a way of avoiding the real work involved in emotional intimacy, like talking about deep personal issues and working on the basic differences between the two of you.
It's no secret that I chose not to kiss my wife until we got married. Oftentimes, I'm asked why I would choose not to kiss her until our wedding day. I wanted to provide a response for men and women who were considering following this trend and ultimately making a decision that could properly shape their entire relationship. Here are my reasons:
1. A raging fire begins with a small flame.
Have you ever noticed that a raging forest fire can begin with a small flame set ablaze on a lone leaf or from a small, unmanaged campfire? A kiss, which is seen as a small thing, can bring on "raging" consequences. In my past relationships, I didn't hesitate to kiss. It was all I knew to do to show my affection. It was the only thing I was ever taught. I didn't know anything different. Like most people, I was led by my emotions and my flesh. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it, and I wanted exactly the way I wanted it. I was trying to act like a man while living like an ignorant, selfish boy. In past relationships, I didn't realize that the small, supposedly-innocent kiss would lead to battle of raging lust inside of me. I would quickly rush home and take the cold showers or try to go meditate in Scripture so I wouldn't have to respond to the rage of lust burning within me. I couldn't find any way to quench the flames of lust in me, and I failed to recognize that I was to blame for all of it. I would tell myself that I was "strong" enough to handle raging fire. Then, I would realize that I was only fooling myself. It wasn't until I sat with the Holy Spirit that I began to understand the reasoning behind the lust raging within me. The Holy Spirit taught me this simple truth: It is easier to put out a small flame than it is to put out a raging fire. After that conversation with Him, I realized I had to do something different. I realized I had to stop feeding the small flame. That was the only way it would not grow into a raging fire. That meant I had to stop doing things like watching pornography, kissing, listening to trashy, sensual music, etc. My only excuse for wanting to continue doing what I wanted was: "It's not that big of a deal! It's just a kiss!" If you've ever been bit by a mosquito, you know that small things can leave a lasting effect on you. I had to mature and realize that I couldn't allow ignorance to lead me any longer. And, I had to realize that "will power" isn't real. In fact, "will" has no "power"! The power I needed to quench that rage of lust was only found in Christ and no one or nothing else.
2. I desired for my wife to respect me as a man.
I've met many married men who've said they wished their wives would respect them. I didn't want to be any of those men. I'll never forget the Holy Spirit talking to me about respect. I was sitting in my man cave in my home when He began to deal with me about my then-future wife respecting me. He told me I needed to give her a reason to desire to respect me. He stated that if I could give her a reason, He would fulfill the rest. Well, I decided on many reasons; however, the main reason was not kissing my wife until we got married. I had no clue if what He told me would work, but I chose to trust Him at His word. After we got married, my wife looked at me and told me that she respected me as a man for keeping my word and not kissing her. She told me that for years she disrespected men because she had no respect for them. She explained that it was mainly because the men didn't give her a reason to respect them. She stated that they did whatever she wanted them to do when she wanted them to do it. My decision to wait until marriage gave her a reason to want to respect me. As the Holy Spirit promised to me, He did the rest.
3. God said so.
We are to be led of God in all that we do. I didn't sit around and come up with a plan of what I was going to do when I met my wife. In fact, meeting Heather was a total surprise to me. I wasn't out searching for a wife. It's like God presented her to me in the same way he presented Eve to Adam. In fact, it was as if she was cut from my rib. The moment I met her, I knew she was my wife. Since I realized this wasn't my doing, I knew I couldn't rely on my old mindset to make this relationship successful. As Heather went to the bathroom, I stood outside having a conversation with the Lord. He instructed me to tell her that I wouldn't kiss her. I think I was just as shocked as Heather, but I was determined to obey God. In doing so, He graced me throughout the entire 1 year and 8 months to remain solid to the commitment I made to Him and to my wife.
4. When you honor God, He'll honor you. I didn't know this truth until now. I have seen how God has honored us because we honored His words to us. We have had countless opportunities to tell our story around this world from California to Dubai. We've criss-crossed the U.S. doing different interviews telling and showing people that it is possible not to do things like those in the "world". In some cases, we have been the example for some to follow. Some didn't think it could be done, but we showed them it could. Couples have made new commitments to each other and God after hearing our testimony. That's an awesome thing considering all we did was honor God at His word. It's amazing to see how God is honoring us because we have honored His word. Come, my friends, and taste and see that the Lord is good. Honor His word(s). I'm confident that He will honor you! You don't have to take me at my word. Just look at my life.
5. I didn't want to defile what didn't belong to me. This may come off rather harsh, but I must be truthful. If Heather was any ole girl in the world, it may have been a different story. If I suspected that the relationship was all about sex and fun, we probably wouldn't be together right now. I didn't see Heather the same way I saw other people. It was like God opened my eyes to her at His time. I didn't see myself just pursuing sex and playing around with her emotions. I saw more than that in her. If she was just some person on the corner, I would've gotten what I wanted and bounced. This wasn't the case here though. I realized that this one truth: Heather didn't belong to me. Heather was not my wife. She belonged to our Heavenly Father, and didn't want to defile anyone who belonged to Him. It was my perverted mind that didn't care about everyone else. I recognize it's wrong, but it was my reality. I realized that Heather was special, and she was worth the wait. Because of God's grace, I was able to not defile her. I was able to treasure her and have presented to me a bride that I honored, cherished, and loved.
6. I wanted the kiss to mean something. How many times have you gone to a wedding and seen the kiss? Have you ever wondered if that was there first kiss? Probably not. That's because we usually don't wait until we get to the alter to kiss. That's a myth in some people's minds. Most times, the kiss at the altar is only a continuation of the kisses the couple has shared throughout the entire relationship. In fact, it probably doesn't even top the kisses the couple has shared in bed before their walk down the aisle. Well, I didn't want my wedding to be that way. I wanted the kiss to signify a sacred union sealed for eternity. I wanted the kiss to have honor, class, and dignity. I wanted the moment of our kiss to be special, and I wanted everyone in attendance to feel honored to be able to witness the moment. In fact, it was special to me. As we stood there in the courtyard, the preacher pronounced us husband and wife and told us to kiss. At that moment, a misty rain began to fall on us as if tears were falling on us both. My wife and I came close and locked lips for the first time. Everyone in attendance was clapping and cheering. It was a very special moment. It was my prayer at that moment that God was glorified because of our decision.
7. Develop emotionally instead of physically. Some of my best arguments were ended in passionate kissing in my past relationships. We probably didn't come to a resolution, but it didn't matter because, at the time, I felt like we discovered something better. (I'm sure you know what that 'something' was.) I wasn't able to develop emotionally with any of my past relationships because I was training myself to develop physically. Each time I got into an argument, I would use the solution of a kiss, which led to other things, to mean that I was sorry. This forced me never to be able to articulate my feelings. In the relationship with my wife, I didn't give myself that option. This forced me to have to do something I hated to do, TALK! It forced me to discuss with my wife how I was feeling and what I was thinking. It stretched me a lot. I couldn't just go grab her, hold her close, and passionately kiss her. I had to learn to develop emotionally, and that year and 8 months was a huge time of development. What we fail to realize is that our much "talking" helps to create a strong emotional bond between each other. This is why people often say that you need to do a lot of talking when you meet someone. Talking helps two people grow closer together. It helps them connect with each other on a very sincere level. Oftentimes, we confuse our much talking with someone as love. I've heard of countless relationships between a guy and a girl in which they "fell in love" because of some kind of "connection". That connection is no secret! Here's the thing: You learn to love what gives to you the most. If you spend your time giving of yourself (through your words) you begin to develop a strong relationship with the other person. This is why it's important for a guy and a girl, who are not pursing marriage, to be friends. The giving of very personal, intimate things can lead to one of the two individuals "catching feelings for each other". Nonetheless, the communication was difficult for me, but I wouldn't change it for anything.
I'll stop there for now. I'll continue this and also do a blog on what we did in our relationship that kept us true to our word. I'll talk about the boundaries we set, the prayers we made, and the times we just had to deny our flesh. Make sure you subscribe to get the latest posts.
It's no secret that I chose not to kiss my wife until we got married. Oftentimes, I'm asked why I would choose not to kiss her until our wedding day. I wanted to provide a response for men and women who were considering following this trend and ultimately making a decision that could properly shape their entire relationship. Here are my reasons:
1. A raging fire begins with a small flame.
Have you ever noticed that a raging forest fire can begin with a small flame set ablaze on a lone leaf or from a small, unmanaged campfire? A kiss, which is seen as a small thing, can bring on "raging" consequences. In my past relationships, I didn't hesitate to kiss. It was all I knew to do to show my affection. It was the only thing I was ever taught. I didn't know anything different. Like most people, I was led by my emotions and my flesh. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it, and I wanted exactly the way I wanted it. I was trying to act like a man while living like an ignorant, selfish boy. In past relationships, I didn't realize that the small, supposedly-innocent kiss would lead to battle of raging lust inside of me. I would quickly rush home and take the cold showers or try to go meditate in Scripture so I wouldn't have to respond to the rage of lust burning within me. I couldn't find any way to quench the flames of lust in me, and I failed to recognize that I was to blame for all of it. I would tell myself that I was "strong" enough to handle raging fire. Then, I would realize that I was only fooling myself. It wasn't until I sat with the Holy Spirit that I began to understand the reasoning behind the lust raging within me. The Holy Spirit taught me this simple truth: It is easier to put out a small flame than it is to put out a raging fire. After that conversation with Him, I realized I had to do something different. I realized I had to stop feeding the small flame. That was the only way it would not grow into a raging fire. That meant I had to stop doing things like watching pornography, kissing, listening to trashy, sensual music, etc. My only excuse for wanting to continue doing what I wanted was: "It's not that big of a deal! It's just a kiss!" If you've ever been bit by a mosquito, you know that small things can leave a lasting effect on you. I had to mature and realize that I couldn't allow ignorance to lead me any longer. And, I had to realize that "will power" isn't real. In fact, "will" has no "power"! The power I needed to quench that rage of lust was only found in Christ and no one or nothing else.
2. I desired for my wife to respect me as a man.
I've met many married men who've said they wished their wives would respect them. I didn't want to be any of those men. I'll never forget the Holy Spirit talking to me about respect. I was sitting in my man cave in my home when He began to deal with me about my then-future wife respecting me. He told me I needed to give her a reason to desire to respect me. He stated that if I could give her a reason, He would fulfill the rest. Well, I decided on many reasons; however, the main reason was not kissing my wife until we got married. I had no clue if what He told me would work, but I chose to trust Him at His word. After we got married, my wife looked at me and told me that she respected me as a man for keeping my word and not kissing her. She told me that for years she disrespected men because she had no respect for them. She explained that it was mainly because the men didn't give her a reason to respect them. She stated that they did whatever she wanted them to do when she wanted them to do it. My decision to wait until marriage gave her a reason to want to respect me. As the Holy Spirit promised to me, He did the rest.
3. God said so.
We are to be led of God in all that we do. I didn't sit around and come up with a plan of what I was going to do when I met my wife. In fact, meeting Heather was a total surprise to me. I wasn't out searching for a wife. It's like God presented her to me in the same way he presented Eve to Adam. In fact, it was as if she was cut from my rib. The moment I met her, I knew she was my wife. Since I realized this wasn't my doing, I knew I couldn't rely on my old mindset to make this relationship successful. As Heather went to the bathroom, I stood outside having a conversation with the Lord. He instructed me to tell her that I wouldn't kiss her. I think I was just as shocked as Heather, but I was determined to obey God. In doing so, He graced me throughout the entire 1 year and 8 months to remain solid to the commitment I made to Him and to my wife.
4. When you honor God, He'll honor you. I didn't know this truth until now. I have seen how God has honored us because we honored His words to us. We have had countless opportunities to tell our story around this world from California to Dubai. We've criss-crossed the U.S. doing different interviews telling and showing people that it is possible not to do things like those in the "world". In some cases, we have been the example for some to follow. Some didn't think it could be done, but we showed them it could. Couples have made new commitments to each other and God after hearing our testimony. That's an awesome thing considering all we did was honor God at His word. It's amazing to see how God is honoring us because we have honored His word. Come, my friends, and taste and see that the Lord is good. Honor His word(s). I'm confident that He will honor you! You don't have to take me at my word. Just look at my life.
5. I didn't want to defile what didn't belong to me. This may come off rather harsh, but I must be truthful. If Heather was any ole girl in the world, it may have been a different story. If I suspected that the relationship was all about sex and fun, we probably wouldn't be together right now. I didn't see Heather the same way I saw other people. It was like God opened my eyes to her at His time. I didn't see myself just pursuing sex and playing around with her emotions. I saw more than that in her. If she was just some person on the corner, I would've gotten what I wanted and bounced. This wasn't the case here though. I realized that this one truth: Heather didn't belong to me. Heather was not my wife. She belonged to our Heavenly Father, and didn't want to defile anyone who belonged to Him. It was my perverted mind that didn't care about everyone else. I recognize it's wrong, but it was my reality. I realized that Heather was special, and she was worth the wait. Because of God's grace, I was able to not defile her. I was able to treasure her and have presented to me a bride that I honored, cherished, and loved.
6. I wanted the kiss to mean something. How many times have you gone to a wedding and seen the kiss? Have you ever wondered if that was there first kiss? Probably not. That's because we usually don't wait until we get to the alter to kiss. That's a myth in some people's minds. Most times, the kiss at the altar is only a continuation of the kisses the couple has shared throughout the entire relationship. In fact, it probably doesn't even top the kisses the couple has shared in bed before their walk down the aisle. Well, I didn't want my wedding to be that way. I wanted the kiss to signify a sacred union sealed for eternity. I wanted the kiss to have honor, class, and dignity. I wanted the moment of our kiss to be special, and I wanted everyone in attendance to feel honored to be able to witness the moment. In fact, it was special to me. As we stood there in the courtyard, the preacher pronounced us husband and wife and told us to kiss. At that moment, a misty rain began to fall on us as if tears were falling on us both. My wife and I came close and locked lips for the first time. Everyone in attendance was clapping and cheering. It was a very special moment. It was my prayer at that moment that God was glorified because of our decision.
7. Develop emotionally instead of physically. Some of my best arguments were ended in passionate kissing in my past relationships. We probably didn't come to a resolution, but it didn't matter because, at the time, I felt like we discovered something better. (I'm sure you know what that 'something' was.) I wasn't able to develop emotionally with any of my past relationships because I was training myself to develop physically. Each time I got into an argument, I would use the solution of a kiss, which led to other things, to mean that I was sorry. This forced me never to be able to articulate my feelings. In the relationship with my wife, I didn't give myself that option. This forced me to have to do something I hated to do, TALK! It forced me to discuss with my wife how I was feeling and what I was thinking. It stretched me a lot. I couldn't just go grab her, hold her close, and passionately kiss her. I had to learn to develop emotionally, and that year and 8 months was a huge time of development. What we fail to realize is that our much "talking" helps to create a strong emotional bond between each other. This is why people often say that you need to do a lot of talking when you meet someone. Talking helps two people grow closer together. It helps them connect with each other on a very sincere level. Oftentimes, we confuse our much talking with someone as love. I've heard of countless relationships between a guy and a girl in which they "fell in love" because of some kind of "connection". That connection is no secret! Here's the thing: You learn to love what gives to you the most. If you spend your time giving of yourself (through your words) you begin to develop a strong relationship with the other person. This is why it's important for a guy and a girl, who are not pursing marriage, to be friends. The giving of very personal, intimate things can lead to one of the two individuals "catching feelings for each other". Nonetheless, the communication was difficult for me, but I wouldn't change it for anything.
I'll stop there for now. I'll continue this and also do a blog on what we did in our relationship that kept us true to our word. I'll talk about the boundaries we set, the prayers we made, and the times we just had to deny our flesh. Make sure you subscribe to get the latest posts.
